Day 12: Sick!

I’m just getting to writing now, so the words will count for tomorrow instead of today. That said, I finally got hit with the cold that’s been going around the house. For me, a large man with sleep apnea, that means sleep isn’t easy. Lack of sleep tends to stifle creativity. On the other hand, I did some research and I think I know how to make my CPAP machine work in my favor tonight. 🙂

I also had a nice long talk with a new and good friend about self-doubt. That’s really what I’ve been battling for the last several days, and it’s been winning as my word counts have shown. To my amazement, I found out that he suffers from it as well. He also pointed out that it’s likely from fear, and if I care so much about this project to be afraid of failing, then it’s obviously important enough to me to keep going at it! I never thought of it that way, and I certainly will from now on. I need to turn this into motivation, just as much as I need to focus less on how many words I’m writing and more on the quality of the story. On November 30th, I want something I’m proud, not just a fancy badge for a blog that says “Winner”. Though, winning NaNoWriMo would be awesome too, obviously. 🙂

I also did some soul searching myself, and I realized that all this self-doubt is rather silly. No, I’m not a skilled writer. I’ve never written anything longer than an article or a short story, so I can’t really claim that I’m the best novel writer around. Of course there will be mistakes, but that’s what this is all about. I have to start somewhere, and the very fact that I can come up with enough of a story to keep writing tells me that I have enough talent to pull this off. Every time I go back to my Google Docs to pick up where I left off, another facet of the story emerges. Every time I think about it, I find something new I can add that brings other elements closer together and makes everything feel more complete. That should tell me something, right?

So back to the docs for me! The way I see it, I have a few hours to write before I should get some sleep. 🙂

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